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cfore2015
My paternal grandfather, my kid’s great grandfather, has had his creepy moments throughout my life. There have been weird sexual comments. For example, when my brother was around 4 years old he was playing with my aunt (my grandfather’s own daughter) when he tripped and fell face first into my aunts lap. My grandfather witnessed this and said out loud “get it boy! Get it!” About his own daughter and grandson!!
There was another time I stayed at my grandparent’s house around 12-14years old and he had built and an outdoor shower. He really wanted me to try it out, and originally I agreed until I saw that it was right off the master bedroom and you could see straight into it. But he was so persistent. I thought nothing of it at the time, but now that I’m older and I think about his comments, I’m concerned. He has never touched me or anyone in the family, but his comments are so concerning.
Now my daughter is 3 years old, and she looooooves her Gigi (my grandfather’s wife). She has stayed the night over at Gigi’s house twice now and has a blast. Well obviously Gigi is old so she tried to sneak out of the guest bed she was sharing with my daughter to her own bed. About an hour later, my daughter climbed into bed with her and my grandfather and slept beside my grandfather. Then she started petting my grandfathers scratchy beard, and when i was told this he said to me “I thought it was Gigi trying to start something” all giddy and just creepy. And now I never want her to go back there. I’m not comfortable with it at all. How do I go about this with my grandmother (Gigi)? She is going to be so offended and hurt that I don’t trust them with my kids at her house.
TLDR: daughter (3) stayed the night at her great grandparents house. Slept in their bed in between them. She “petted” her great grandfathers beard as she was falling asleep. When I learned of this he told me, “I thought it grandma trying to start something,” all giddy and just creepy. He’s said some questionable things in the past, and now I just do not want my kids over there ever without my presence. How do I address with my grandmother without crushing her spirits?
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EBand3
I would not let her sleep over there but I don't know if you even need to tell them that if you want to preserve the relationship. It sounds like you have every right to be creeped out and protecting your kids comes first. I would just say no and give generic responses. Either you go and stay or it's just no. Or invite them to come to you.
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ErikaRu
I would not let her stay there anymore. I’d be weary to let her be there at all unsupervised. As someone who was molested by family when I was young, I don’t care who’s feelings may get hurt I will protect my children. I’m sorry you’re being faced with this. Trust yourself and your mother instincts.
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haeb7107
Absolutely do not let her stay over there! He sounds like a predator and they will go after whoever they have easy access to - by letting her sleep over at only 3 (so, so young for a sleepover!) you're providing all the access he needs. And while I truly hope you were never abused by him, don't assume you weren't just because you don't remember it.
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loolookid21
Honestly my family members have never given me creepy vibes like this and I’m still not letting my daughter do sleepovers. I feel like today nobody is really safe, even family. I’m not willing to risk it. If you’re afraid just tell them you and your husband have made it a family rule to not allow sleepovers. Blame the current world problems or something
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Auggieloves
My fil made some really weird creepy comments, one being my 6 month old was a sexy tease- another time a dirty little tease. He's very handsy and kisses on the mouth. He's made some very sexual comments to me... I just thought he was gross and saw women as objects, but until he said that about my daughter it didn't phase me. Then a few months ago my 18 year old niece told me something that happened where he was grabbing at her ( she was 14 at the time) and touched her inappropriately. She said she was concerned bc we had a daughter... I felt sick. All his grand children are girls. When my niece graduated, my in laws wanted her to live with them, kept saying how beautiful and special she was. We are nc now- partially bc of this. More and more things get my gut instincts going. You need to trust yourself and protect your child! I'm so sorry you are experiencing this. I wouldn't say anything to grandma yet.
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bdmdjjd
Hey so a few things from someone who was molested by an older male in my family.
1) I would not let your daughter sleep there - not now, not ever
2) it will be uncomfortable but you have to talk to your grandmother and I would boldly include your grandfather.
-Letting them know you’re uncomfortable with what has been said is important because I think it makes him more aware that you are clued in and perhaps even detours him from doing anything inappropriate if he ever has the chance. Like he knows it’s on your radar now.
I think being direct is necessary and you never know what else might come out.
I took me years to tell my family and come to find out another young female family member had inappropriate things happen to her too.
I think something like grandma my job as a mom is to protect my children and you know I love you and grandpa but I was extremely uncomfortable with how he responded when my daughter slept in your bed. It was simply too sexual and concerned me. I’ve never been able to forget the way he made comments when my brother fell into my aunts lap. And how much he wanted me to shower in the outdoor shower as a young teen. He may mean no harm but I’ve heard too many stories and incidents where people are touched and treated inappropriately. Because of this I do not want my daughter staying the night.
(When grandpa or grandma make excuses…) You may blow this off but it’s simply weird and uncomfortable to me. I love you guys but our boundary is that our daughter won’t be sleeping here anymore.
-bring your husband if you need support in this conversation
-pray!! Pray to speak your mind clearly and boldly.
It is 100% uncomfortable to shake things up in your own family like this but trust me it is worth protecting your daughter!!
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Rox95
@bdmdjjd,
this is GREAT advice. Nothing more I could add.
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